I WANT TO YES TO EVERYTHING I SAID NO TO

she says
IS THERE SOMETHING YOU WANT TO SAY TO ME?
and
i
am struck silent leaning 
on the filing cabinet - 
because
every thought and feeling these days
is
composed
for her ears and our conversations.


i got so much to say - i am struck silent.
i got so much to say -
it
wont
all fit 
in ink on the back of my hands/all
my
conquerable fears
and
achievable hopes
and
late realisations
loose urgency in her calming presence
but
with time and proximity
i
hope
i
get
to
get it all said because - there is something
i
want
to
say
to you.