the worlds last tobacco smoker died today.
148 year old Phelony Spentlove, heiress to the Solar-Sketchers fortune, died due to complications in a surgically assisted birth of her fifth baby panda.
the panda is said to be doing well.
the worlds tobacco reserves were bought up wholesale by Phelony some 60 years ago at the height of the soil crisis.
illegal in 99% of the worlds accessible landmass, tobacco smoking is still tolerated in Himalaya Atoll, where Ms Spentlove kept a penthouse.
Phelony shot to fame at the age of 100 as the first human to successfully incubate and deliver a live infant mammal of a different species, in this case a marmot named Bathtime.
she is survived by Bathtime, her five pandas and her husband-in-law Kenneth Glasshouses, 24.
dirge-hop conductor Kenneth, know for his prosthetic beaver tails, released his fifteenth billboard hit cast, 'My Arse Be Damming' early last month and was touring in the Netherlands Archipelago when the news broke.
he is currently unavailable for comment.
the board member for Benson & Hedges has indicated he will attend any services.
in other news the equator is still on fire.
officials are still divided on what to call the phenomenon, despite clear agreement of the polled population for Firey McFireyface.
although we here at WBC believe The Burning Ring Of Fire to be an obvious choice.
the fire is approaching its fifth anniversary and unverified sightings of phoenix's have increased tenfold.
reporting from Northern Australia our science correspondence Bethanyny Parkingjoy had this to say, 'Migrating geese on fire do not a phoenix make.'
this up before the hair-weather and ad-sport - EU Sheriff Grandy Botanic has indicated concern over the continued silence from the UKs Quarantine Moguls, specifically with regard to trade quotas of Blu-Tack and the Royalty Range of merchandise.
indeed, there is a continued silence on all issues from the UK and the BRIC Corp, collective manufacturers of the Royalty Range, are keen for a robodrone HALO recon mission as soon as international disagreement can be circumvented.
now the hair-weather with Danbury Fillingboat . . .